It's been a while, my life has been a whirlwind since the last time I posted, the New Year really treated me to a multitude of shite all at once. Thanks Universe.
I had to deal with a break up, leaving a house and my Grandad passing away all in the space of a couple of weeks. Firstly, I was broken, didn't think I'd be able to cope. Then my Grandad passed away and as much as I fucking miss him and wish he was still here, it put life and everything into perspective.
I haven't let myself wallow, I haven't sat around crying like would be expected of me in this situation. It has been an awful time, but my God it's made me so much stronger.
Never, EVER in my life have I realised my self worth. Never have I wanted to get better mentally and physically. But all of this happened and some sort of switch turned on in my head. I realised I was worth so much more than the way I was treated, I realised that life is too short to sit around and suffer. I wanted to get better, I wanted to be well.
I've been enjoying myself since all of this happened, I'm the happiest I've been in such a long time and really, I am so proud of myself.
I finally realise that as a person I am worth love, kindness and attention from the people who I want to give attention and love back to. I'm so happy for myself.
I have realised I am worth more than my eating disorder, more than my anxiety and more than my depression. I've been eating whatever I wanted (of course with the off days, normal in recovery) - I've been going out and having fun, spending time with some lovely people and treating myself to nice things. This is the nicest I've felt in so long, I am finally ready to live my life.
I'm now weighing up my options about the future, I'm looking into going back to University with people behind me who support me and want me to succeed. I am in a really good place.
Basically, know your worth guys. Just know that you are worth love, happiness and good health. Look after yourself and get rid of toxic people who bring you down, life is TOO SHORT PEOPLE. You are worth all of those days where you treat yourself to nice things, you are worth the time you spend on yourself and only yourself, you are worth self love and self respect, you are worth the respect you deserve from other people. You are just fucking amazing and embrace it.
I'll be back soon with regular posts, I just need some well earned me time!
All the love, x
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